Hotwifing Rules

Welcome to Hotwife University. This particular post is for people new to the hotwife life and is particularly aimed at those interested in the Stag and Vixen dynamic. It applies to all sorts of hotwing activities, swinging, and some other variations of monogamish lifestyles.
Today we will be discussing rules. Hotwifing rules to be more specific. The rules agreed upon by Vixen and Stag to be very specific.
I know rules are annoying, but in the case of Vixen Games and hotwife play, they are very much needed.

Hotwife University Shirt. Hotwifing Rules.

You can get this Hotwife University design as a T-shirt HERE – Hotwife University by Vixen Games.
Rules between Stags and Vixens come in a few forms.

  1. Rules you never break because it would be a betrayal and cause problems of a serious sort, like arguments, resentments, and sometimes even a permanent rift in your relationship.
  2. Rules you can break or bend, but consequences will arise from your actions that may not be to your liking. Less serious consequences than those mentioned above, but consequences nonetheless.
  3. Rules you can break anytime, but it can alter play or the dynamic.
  4. Rules that are not actually rules, but usually expected behavior. Often these are unspoken rules that are assumed obvious.

First a bit on why you need hotwifing rules if you’re seriously headed down the path.
Without them, you will almost surely fail or have a very rocky road ahead of you.
Hotwifing and swinging should be activities that bring you closer, make you better understand each other, increase your love and passion, and let you grow in ways together that other people never get to experience.
All people have boundaries, and jealousies, and are selfish to a degree. All people will have preconceived ideas about relationships in general that becoming monogamish will test.
Rules, which require great discussion to put together will not only help you understand each other’s desires and boundaries better but will create a buffer for if and or when something goes wrong.
If one of you crosses a boundary that wasn’t on in the rules, you may add it as a rule, and if minor claim no harm, no foul. If major it can be added as a rule with the obvious knowledge to both that it was accidental.
If rules are in place and your partner knowingly breaks the rule then there is no excuse. The partner who feels wrong can then point to the rule with the knowledge that they had voiced their wishes or set their boundary in a way that was known. Half of whatever argument that could have ensued is now pointless.

Rules will change over time. Many people start with very few rules and add to them as time and experience dictates. Each mishap leads to a new rule. Other people start out with a large list of hotwifing rules and it slowly shrinks as they become more experienced, relaxed with their activities, and get to know each other better as a couple. You will get to know each other better if you spend a few years playing Vixen Games or swinging. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for one year or twenty years, the things you’ll learn will be many.
I recommend at first when delving into the world of added sexual partners to do a mini-reevaluation of your rules after each new experience, and a major overhaul every few months. This will increase discussion and keep you both on the same page.

I’m going to share how our original hotwifing rules were created.

We started by making short lists of our own rules and then compared them. These original lists were not meant to be THE rules, but were the rules from each of our own perspectives and covered a bit more than the types of rules you’ll need to make to help you navigate your journey into playing with others if that is the route you’ve chosen.

These were the rules she wrote down for this exercise:

  1. No back door (as in other people putting their cocks in her ass)
  2. No dicks in the face unless invited. (as in she doesn’t want playmates just bringing that cock to a blowjob without her giving the thumbs up = consent)
  3. No slut, whore, bitch talk. Be nice. (as in she doesn’t like when a guy acts rude and talks trashy to her)
  4. No face Bukkake. (as in she doesn’t want guys cumming on her face)
  5. No cum in mouth. (as in she isn’t going to swallow, don’t cum there)
  6. Reclaim when I say. (as in I must wait until she tells me it is time to reclaim her)
  7. Cut only. (as in she doesn’t like giving oral to uncircumcised penises)
  8. The safeword is not SupercalifragilisticexpialidociousPineapple. (as in our joke safeword is not to be used in play with others, a more realistic and short version is required)
  9. Two men max. (as in she doesn’t wish more than two men at a time, but I don’t count as one of the men, so two not me play partners max is the rule)
  10. No rough play. (as in she doesn’t like being treated roughly, spanked, choked, etc.)
  11. Always “together.” (as in we are aware, and in the vicinity of each other. The quotation marks were added to point out it didn’t mean same room for every activity at all times, just same place)
  12. Don’t annoy me. (as in anything I do that annoyed her will get me in trouble)
  13. 21+ and older. (as in nobody under the age of 21)
  14. Only you film/Take pictures. (as in she wishes me only to take photos, doesn’t wish others to have photographic evidence of her activities)
  15. Men must be groomed, clean, and smell nice. (as in no dirty people)
  16. Must delete unflattering photos. (as in I am not allowed to keep photos of her activities that she feels she doesn’t look good in)

So, that was her original list. Obviously, a lot of it was just expressing her likes and dislikes. Her own rules for herself and that she expects me to basically know already. Other things were rules that are the real deal for the list.

These were the rules I wrote down for the exercise:

  1. Always together. (as in the same room at the same time)
  2. Always approved scenarios and people. (as in we both agree to the participants before the action and what the activities will be generic)
  3. Each of us has veto power over all events and activities. (as in either of us can put the kybosh on any event, activity, or person)
  4. Use of a safe word = Done. (as in if one of us uses our safeword we immediately cease without hesitation)
  5. Condoms are to be used unless we both have agreed. (as in condoms are used for intercourse, but as a rule, we can change it per event as we wish if both give the ok)
  6. No repeat people. (as in we play with a person one time only, not long-term friends)
  7. I get to reclaim her within one hour of the end of the event.

My rules were more to the point, and I skipped things that I would consider obvious because they fall within likes and dislikes we are already aware of.
Hopefully, it is obvious to you by reading those two sets of lists that we have already communicated things to each other, and that some of the rules are a result of those communications. Also, some of them do not match up exactly, and they are even as we wrote them a form of compromise.
An example would be reclaiming time. I wish to be able to do it immediately. She gets off on making me wait. She would without a rule in place make me wait until the next day just to frustrate me.
Another is the only together rule. She considers us being in the same vicinity good enough. Like she could go into the next room. She gets off on the idea of my wanting to see, but not being able to exactly. I am a watcher.
She also disagrees with the condom rule. She likes the cumming, likes it inside, and she likes the mental stimulation of knowing she has cum in her. She also knows that if somehow she got me to cum some other way I’d be frustrated with her having another’s cum in her, but not mine.

We have many such things. Ideas and likes that slightly cross, but don’t exactly match up. It is in these types of cases we must make agreements and compromise.

After a brief discussion, this is our finalized list of rules:

  1. Two men max. (but I don’t count)
  2. No back door. (anal sex)
  3. Nobody cums in her mouth.
  4. Always Together. (currently same room, same time, but to be revisited next rule re-writing session)
  5. 21+ and older for play partners. (in general, we both prefer 40+ anyway, but still rule-worthy)
  6. Only I am allowed to take photos or video.
  7. Always approved scenarios and people.
  8. We both have Veto Power over events and people.
  9. Condoms are required unless otherwise stated. (She has made it known she expects me to just say OK the minute she asks in any scenario however)
  10. No repeat people. (to be revisited next rule re-writing session as she would like an exception made for anybody who does a great job)
  11. I get to reclaim her within 1 hour of the end of any hotwifing or swinging-related event.

Also we have a tone of unwritten rules. None of them are of huge consequence, or we consider them a given. If you look at number 12 of her original list you’ll see the “Do not annoy me” one. Most will fall into that category. She gets off on my being perturbed though, but is aware of lines. We can work this way. Those would be:

  1. Rules you can break or bend, but consequences will arise from your actions that may not be to your liking. Less serious consequences than those mentioned above, but consequences nonetheless.
  2. Rules you can break anytime, but it can alter play or the dynamic.
  3. Rules that are not actually rules, but usually expected behavior. Often these are unspoken rules that are assumed obvious.

The above list is our hotwifing rules big stuff. The level 1 stuff we won’t break. Everyone will have different hotwifing rules. Go with what works for you. Regularly reevaluate, and communicate on everything you can. Never hold back on your feelings, but wait until you’ve reflected on it a bit.

Lastly, Go the pace of the slower player. Whichever of you is more of a toe in the water than jumping right in person should be the pacesetter. That will ward off some serious crash-and-burn scenarios. It will also make it so that you both are more likely to enjoy yourselves and grow together.

With that I will end this talk on hotwifing rules and thank you for attending Hotwife University.

Hotwife University T-shirt design from Vixen Games

You can get this Hotwife University design as a T-shirt HERE – Hotwife University by Vixen Games.