Not Vanilla

Vanilla sex is any sort of sexual activities that fall within the range of normality for a culture or subculture. It is the mundane sex the majority of humans partake in regularly.
Vanilla people are people who are plain, boring, and unexciting in general. They have few unique qualities that garner a focused interest from others.
Most people think they are not vanilla.
Vanilla is all about perspective.

Not Vanilla swingers shirt

This shirt for people that are not vanilla can be found HERE – Not Vanilla Essential T-Shirt.

A hotwife who likes to have a random one-on-one with a new partner every few months, but keeps it to the most simple basics of foreplay, a tad of oral, and then some traditional intercourse may consider herself Vanilla because she doesn’t engage in any activities besides what is the norm in our overall society besides having these occasional partners while in an otherwise monogamous relationship.

A traditional monogamous wife may consider herself not vanilla because she likes a bit of light hair pulling from her husband while in doggy position.

For the general populace, it is all about perspective and ideas about what others are doing that dictate if we consider ourselves or others as vanilla as people in general or sexually.

Some subcultures and socially connected groups however may consider anyone not in their group as vanilla, or if not thinking of them as vanilla, still label them as such as a way to point out their differences in lifestyle and distinguish themselves as being in a separate category.
The “kink” community types do this. Kink when related to sexuality literally is unconventional sexual tastes or behaviors. The Kinksters rightfully can claim they are not vanilla.
Swingers also seem to lump all the people who are not swingers, or at least practitioners on some sort of consensual nonmonogamy as vanilla.
Almost every Stag and Vixen couple would consider their monogamous couple peers as vanilla. They are swinger lifestyle adjacent if not actually swingers as well. The same would go for any sort of hotwifing relationship. Some hotwife dynamics mix deeply into the kink community. They participate in a lot of denials, fetishizing, and oftentimes humiliation and punishment. Gear is often used as well. Cock cages and strap-ons are common accessories in hotwife and cuckolding scenarios. These groups have a lot in common when viewed from the outside.

When viewed from the inside the crossovers and comminalities seem less.
Most kinksters are pretty much monogamous. Not all, but a majority. Bondage, discipline, restraints, pain, latex, leather, fetish wear, and more are common amongst kinksters. A penchant for at least one of those things or something similar is pretty much required. If you get off on being flogged while wrapped in saran wrap you are kinky, but that has nothing to do with being nonmonogamous.

Most swingers are not into such kinks. As people who are usually a bit more open-minded than the general public when it comes to sexuality they are more prone to try different things, but they rarely develop such kinks. They can play along and have fun, but their goals are usually elsewhere. Those who do end up developing those types of kinks usually go back and forth from kink communities and people to swinger-oriented groups because the division is so obvious. Stags and Vixens almost always fall in with the swinger communities if they wish to deal with larger groups, but they don’t always fit well because many in the swinger lifestyle do not understand the dynamic at all.
I have seen more bad information about Stags and Vixens from Swinger Lifestyle influencers than anywhere else. They simply don’t get it usually, but because they are influencers, and a crossover exists, they feel they must “educate” the vanillas.
Their followers are other swingers or those interested in swinging usually, so it causes even more misunderstanding and wrong thinking in the swinger communities about Vixens and Stags.

One thing these groups do keep in common though is that they consider most of those outside of their world of sexy fun to be vanilla, and they view themselves as not vanilla.

They are correct. The various types of monogamish people playing fun and sexy games are not just experiencing the mundane sex the majority of humans partake in regularly. They are experiencing things outside of society’s norms.
The same can be said of the kink players of the world.
The kinksters have gained acceptance among the fully vanilla to a degree. The normies get that people buy a lot of gear and toys so there must be a lot of different things going on. It is semi-acceptable to the vanilla masses.
The polyamorous and swinging couples also gained much acceptance. These lifestyles are also semi-acceptable to the fully vanilla.
That doesn’t mean they like or approve of activities outside of the range of normality as they see it, but they are starting to accept it. Especially the polyamorous. They have in ways held open the doors for swingers, even if they did it reluctantly in many cases.
Vixens and Stags are less understood but viewed similarly as swingers by the fully Vanilla.
All can say “Not Vanilla”

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