Ten Rules For Swingers

I ran across a video on YouTube titled The Ten Rules For Swingers which really should have been more like “discussing ten common new swinger rules, but nonetheless, it caught my eye so I clicked play and watched it.

The video is a couple (Matt and Bianca) from Club Sapphire sitting on a couch and chatting about the topic.
Club Saphire is a Lifestyle club (Swingers Club) just outside of Seattle.
I have never been, but have heard good things.
If I remember correctly, it originated as a small thing when New Horizons (A very well-known and long-lasting club) was heading towards its end.
I was a member of that club long ago for a couple of decades and pretty much went there just for their big special bashes like Halloween, New Year’s, etc.

So… here is the Ten Rules For Swingers Club Saphire Video.

I’m basically going to give my opinions on the rules they mention, and I was inspired to do so for the most silly of reasons. It was because of the male’s theory on the origin of one of the rules.

We’ll get to that in a tad. Overall it is a good informational video for people considering the lifestyle. Check it out and see if you agree on my take.

The Rules in their video that they say many new swingers start with:

  1. Soft Swap Only. They describe this as oral swapping only or parallel play which is having sex with your spouse while another couple has sex nearby. I have never heard of parallel play being “soft swap,” and it makes no sense to call it that as nothing is being “swapped.”
    They consider soft swapping a good way to dip your toes into swinging. I agree.
    They don’t really talk about people who enjoy soft swapping for the sake of it, nor would I agree on their description of what it is.
    Also, I’d like to note that many people who full swap may prefer soft swapping more, but because a majority of swinger lifestyle people are full swap they just full swap most of the time.
    Soft swap can be super hot.
    It isn’t just exchanging oral. It is a form of sex in itself. It can go on for hours with caressing, rubbing, grinding, etc.
    It can go on until orgasm, or it can be used as a way to cause a lot of hot sexual tension.
    I myself have no preference between soft and full swap overall. Certainly, different days and different moods will affect that, but as an experienced long-time casual nonmonogamy player I can assure you that many people feel the same.
    I will note though that it is rare to find such people (experienced and into soft swapping) at clubs or play parties. Meet n greets are your best bet to find them.
  2. Same Room Play only. As in the couple will only play with another person or couple if they are all in the same room. The video suggests that almost all couples start this way, and that many decide a separate room is fine once they are more experienced. This is true. Many couples stay same room and many don’t. Relationships can evolve in vastly different ways.
    Same room may stay the rule for many reasons. Safety, insecurities, a desire to watch your spouse… your reasons don’t matter. The same or separate room is up to you.
    On a personal note, I have ZERO interest in separate-room play as if I were into that I’d just have random sexual encounters with vanilla women I picked up from traditional methods. It is much easier than dealing with the smaller selection of swingers that exist.
    Also, I’d not be cool with my Vixen playing alone at all. The reason is that I’m into it as a together and for our type of thing. I want to watch, film if aloud, sometimes join in, etc.
    The video mentions that most couples who will or can play separately will most often be cool with playing same room when a couple says that is what they do. This is also something I’d say is correct from my experiences. I have however over the years met many separate-room players who will not play same room. We all have our preferences, and the trick is to respect everyone’s preferences including your own. Find what works for you.
  3. The No Kissing Rule. I did a post about the No Kissing Rule a while back. I’m not going to babble about the No Kissing Rule here because of the previous No Kissing Rule post, but I now must say that this, their rule number three is what made me decide to talk about their rule list. The male in the video (Matt) puts forth a theory that the rule stems from the movie Pretty Woman. In the movie they mention that prostitutes have a no-kissing rule because it is overly intimate. Great theory, but the movie came out in 1990. The no-kissing rule was pretty common in the late 80’s and early nineties. It seemed to become less common as Y2K approached. I have no idea why, but the theory is a bust because more people had the rule before Pretty Woman than they do now it seems.
  4. Don’t take one for the team. That is rule number four they talk about. Taking one for the team is when one of you as a couple plays with someone they don’t want to so that your partner can play with someone they do want to play with. They also mention there are levels of this, like not just really into someone vs totally turned off. In general, it is not a good idea to take one for the team as it isn’t fun and can result in a bunch of drama later on and even occasionally some resentment. Those levels they mention are real though and I have found that if a couple makes a deal to take turns taking one for the team with an out of a “NO Frigg’n Way” addition to the rule it can be fine. Basically, it is saying “Well, not my fave, but since you are using your special turn I will.” Note that “No Frigg’n Way” means if the level is “I don’t want to at all” it is a no. Compare that with “I’m not really into them, but ok.” Sometimes that not real into them person can turn out to be awesome. Those No Frigg’n Way folks never are awesome. It’s your life, you’re allowed to be attracted to whoever you like and not to be attracted to whoever you like. Go with your feelings. Don’t allow your partner to pressure you. The couple in this video talks about it as hard no vs soft no or excited yes vs unenthusiastic yes.
  5. Condoms. As these people are representing a club they point out that basically every club has an abundance of condoms and a use condoms rule. In general, clubs are always “USE A CONDOM” and it is awkward if someone goes off of that path even with permission, but you can if it is agreed to first. Outside of clubs and certain party situations which adopt those same rules you will find many couples have a hard and fast condom rule they never break. Others will have a condom rule, but will easily put it aside for various reasons, and still others prefer bare over condoms. It Is a good idea to work with the idea of condoms always unless otherwise stated beforehand. Not the beforehand part of that. Trying to go bare or changing the game rules in the heat of the moment can cause multiple problems and ruin the vibe. I’m now going to “USE CONDOMS” because it is a safety thing. Now that I’ve said it, you should look up safe sex practices on a medical site and then make your own decisions with an informed mind.
  6. Looking for a third. That is their topic for rule six. Seems more of a preference topic, but they go about talking of it as a rule by saying it is the new couple’s rule to only play with a third. They also mention that some couples enter the swinger scene only thinking about a third and not even considering a four-person scenario. I have seen this situation many times, an otherwise monogamous couple seeking their fantasy threesome. If you peruse Reddit or polyamory type forums you’ll mostly see posts talking about what are often called unicorn hunters. A unicorn is a bisexual female who plays with couples. These people in the videos mention mermaids, which is a lesser-known term referring to a married woman who will play solo with a couple. In a club setting, however, you will often find new couples seeking a single-playing male. This scenario is well suited to many swinger lifestyle clubs. Again I don’t see this topic as something for a Ten Rules For Swingers list, but it is on there.
    As we here at Vixen Games focus primarily on Vixen Hotwives and the Vixen and Stag dynamic in general the idea of that additional single male or solo-playing male is the norm. We’ve said a ton about it on many posts, so I’ll move on.
  7. We are only going to have sex with each other tonight. They have this on their Ten Rules For Swingers list as primarily a rule that new couples may have when first checking out the club scene. They also talk about sometimes you may just not be in the mood to get down with someone else, but want to go to the club for the vibe so may have that rule for the night.
    I highly agree that this is a great rule for a couple to have for a first club visit. I also highly agree that it is just fine to make such a rule ahead of time for specific nights even if you are an experienced couple.
    I’ll add here that it is also fine to go to a club with a rule of Not playing at all for the evening.
    Sometimes it is fun just to go out and soak in the atmosphere.
  8. Only cumming with your spouse. I’m not so sure I think this should ever be listed as a rule. In general when it exists it is for the male usually, but not always. Rules like this if treated as actual rules can cause a lot of stress. I’ve been with women who wish to hide their orgasms from their husbands or act as if they are less to avoid jealousy. Men can sometimes hit a point of no return or get overstimulated and it just goes off no matter the “rule.” The anxiety of having that happen can turn into performance anxiety.
    No judgment from me if you wish this sort of rule, but it seems problematic to the point that unless it is some sort of kink you have I’d suggest not having this type of thing as a rule.
  9. Drugs and alcohol. For the most part, they are talking about people monitoring their spouse’s alcohol or drug intake because it can change behaviors in a negative way.
    On the flip side of this is the sober person playing with someone wasted to the point that they may not be able to give proper consent.
    Personally, I have always had the rule (for myself) that I never get down with a drunk girl if it’s the first time for her because I want to make sure I and the activities we partake in are good-to-go activities to her when she is sober first.
    This couple also talks a bit about male performance issues that can arise from alcohol. To quote him “A whiskey dick is not a frisky dick.”
    First time I’ve heard that line and it is awesome. They joke about making a bumper sticker, but don’t think they will sadly. So, if I ever decide to make a sticker or something with the line I am stating here that the credit for my originally hearing it goes to the Matt of the Matt and Bianca duo from Club Sapphire via the video shown above.
  10. No choking. This is one of those things that should be common sense and because some guys are dumber than a box of bolts had to be included. Just because some women want to be choked doesn’t mean they all do. It is an assault to do such a thing without consent. It can scare a woman. Again I’ll quote the guy… “You wanna dry up a woman faster than anything, just do something like that without communicating with her.” That is some good truth.
    They then go on to add that things like spanking a woman is the same type of bad behavior.
    I’ll throw my own opinion in here. If you are dumb enough to be putting your hands around a woman’s throat or smacking her without her first letting it be known she is into that, you should not be swinging. You’ll eventually get your ass kicked or worse.
    A simple rule for you that covers their rule number on their Ten Rules For Swingers: Do not do anything rough, pushy, or aggressive towards a woman in a sexual situation that the woman has not communicated to you is desirable before you do it.

They then added a bonus personal rule into the mix at the end of their video. That rule was “No Butt Stuff.” Fingers, dicks, tongues, toys… she doesn’t dig it basically.
Go back to my advice on the rule ten topic and apply that to this one. A majority of women don’t want surprise butt stuff. Unless it is stated otherwise just leave it alone fellas. If it’s your big desire then ask, don’t just do. That is pretty simple.

So, that is the end of the Ten Rules For Swingers post based on the video above. A pretty good bit of advice is laid out in a rules list discussion form.
My own Ten Rules For Swingers just starting out would be a bit different, but nonetheless I think this is a good one. I’ll most likely watch a few more of their videos. From this one alone I will note here that they seem very club-style oriented.
If you are thinking of visiting a lifestyle club this is probably a great YouTube channel to get some info.
How it relates to play styles and dynamics of non club goers I am unsure. They are very different things.

Don’t have a rules shirt for you, but since this post was swinger lifestyle-themed I’ll go with that and share this fun hoodie with an upside-down pineapple rocket girl on it.

Ten Rules For Swingers Post upside-down pineapple rocket girl hoodie for Northwest Swingers

I chose a hoodie because Club Sapphire which brought you those ten rules for swingers in the Pacific Northwest and people in the Pacific Northwest often wear hoodies. Get it HERE – Pineapple Rocket Girl Swinger Lifestyle Classic Hoodie in our online store.

Vixen Games Designs has the largest selection of original swinger lifestyle and hotwife shirts and hoodies in existence.