Dealing with judgy swingers

Dealing with judgy swingers is something few Stags and Vixens wish to do.
Many Stags and Vixens walk a fine line between what others view as the swinger lifestyle and Hotwives and Cuckoldry. They end up dealing with a lot of swingers who are ignorant about the dynamic. Oddly many swingers are more ignorant about Stags and Vixens than many vanilla people are because they have formed extreme prejudices and spread misinformation about hotwifing amongst themselves more than vanilla people have. If you want to learn what a Stag and Vixen isn’t the best place to do it is via social media from a swinger lifestyle influencer who is trying to explain what it is. Then you will hit the comment sections and find out how judgy these people are. Their way is the best way and your way is basically wrong, twisted, messed up, etc. So this one is for Stags and Vixens that frequent swinger lifestyle communities both online and in person, and somehow regularly end up dealing with judgy swingers.

Dealing with judgy swingers is not fun for Stags and Vixens

The main thing swingers get judgy about seems to be the tit-for-tat situation a majority of swingers have as either an unwritten rule or a basis for their play in general. They play with a measure-for-measure system. If you get some I get some. If I don’t get some you don’t. It is like for like, quid pro quo, something for something, a trade-off. It is swapping, not just doing. For many of these swingers who operate that way the idea of just one partner having sex while the other doesn’t is pretty crazy. Even if that other partner watches it seems “unfair” to them. Never mind explaining the Stag may be getting off just as much as his Vixen in a different manner. Even when talking with a swinger in a club atmosphere that does participate in MFM threesomes or has a partner who plays more than they do a bit we end up sometimes with a swinger who doesn’t get why that night you are just watching. Why you don’t want to get some or swap if you’re a Stag? Some will straight up tell you how they’d never allow it. Dealing with judgy swingers like this can be tiring and really put a damper on your fun evening.

Another issue that is a regular one is the Queen Of Spades topic. Not all hotwives are QOS. Most aren’t. It is however a common enough thing in hotwifing and in Vixen and Stag relationships for the wife to play the QOS game that it is heavily associated with hotwives in general. . We have a post called Vixen Hotwife QOS Appeal you may wish to check out to get a bit more info on that topic. In general, a Queen of Spades is a woman who is not black, and who specifically makes herself out to be primarily interested in or available to black men. She may exclusively play with black men or simply prioritize them if she is into it to the point of self-identifying as a QOS. Often labeling oneself a QOS just means “open to black men” or that they have an interest in black men. Judgy swingers usually do not get this and often find it to be problematic or straight-up racist. The more secluded from black people they are when it comes to swinging the more apt they are to claim racism. It is virtue signaling at its finest. If the population of your city is 50% black and your local club or private clique of swingers isn’t about the same then you obviously are the one who is a bit off when it comes to inclusion and race. Yet it is these swingers who cry foul. The non-black hotwives and the black men involved are all as happy as can be until they hear you the judgy swinger telling them how horrible they are for their fetishizing race. If inclusion is brought up they have token play partners to point towards. Two hundred couples in the club with eight being black in a city with a much higher percentage of black people, just not there. Dealing with judgy swingers is definitely tiring.

The beta rooster swinger men who call cuck. That’s the third one on this list, and possibly the most annoying. Many couples in the lifestyle are made up of a woman who is desirable by a fair amount of people but her husband is a man who outside of the swinging world wasn’t in high demand by women before they got married. This doesn’t mean they are unattractive or of low value in the swinging communities. It is simply that they lacked some ingredient socially or physically that made them have a low success rate with dating, hooking up, etc. before marriage. Some call it having the game, sometimes it’s confidence, it could be desperation or being clueless that caused it. Whatever the case, they have now entered the swinging lifestyle and their wife is the one who acts as their golden ticket to get to play the stud muffin they always dreamed of being. These are usually the guys who call Stags cucks. They are so far removed from true inner confidence and are enjoying the tit-for-tat measure-for-measure swinging life so much that they can’t wrap their head around the idea of a guy being so sexually confident and so into his wife that he truly gets off on her pleasures. They also seem to feel very alpha male in their newfound success as a swinger, but they can’t forget the frustration of feeling beta before marriage. If they attempted to participate in a Stag and Vixen relationship their own mindset would put them in the cuck corner quickly. The end result is they will think of a Vixen and Stag as a Hotwife and Cuck. They will try and rationalize it, but they can’t separate it well in their heads because of their own mental position. In the end, they get judgy.

Note: I used the terms Alphas and Betas. I used them because I have found the personality type I was describing usually uses them and thinks in that manner. All the Alphas, Betas, Omegas, Gammas, Sigmas, etc. I consider nonsense as far as humans go.

Whatever the issue is, because there exist many more, it all comes down to one thing. How we go about dealing with judgy swingers.
You’d think with general society pointing their fingers at swingers and saying “Naughty naughty, that’s bad and wrong” those swingers wouldn’t turn around in the line of nonmonogamy freaks and point at their neighbors to also say “Naughty naughty, that’s bad and wrong” in the same fashion. They often do though. Some polyamorous people do this to swingers as well.
The reality is we should all be supporting each other.

So, you’ve got two choices when dealing with judgy swingers. Walk away and let them bask in their prejudices and ignorance, or try to help them. Get them thinking and maybe they will learn.
Explaining the dynamics of Vixens and Stag, hotwifing, and the swinger lifestyle all at once from the perspective of a person who plays in all three realms is the key. You’re the one who interacts with others in all three realms. You can be an advocate for everyone. This would include dealing with how they look at interracial interactions. This would include being a champion of cucks and bulls even if you are neither because you most likely meet such people semi-regularly. Those swingers who are so judgy don’t. Talk to the people you wish to make more informed nicely. Dealing with individuals who may hold negative views requires thoughtful communication and an emphasis on mutual respect. Here are some points you might consider when doing so:

  1. Consent and Communication:
    • Emphasize that all participants in the Stag and Vixen Games you play and in the swingers lifestyle engage consensually and openly communicate their desires and boundaries.
    • Highlight the importance of mutual respect and understanding within these two similar yet different communities.
  2. Diverse Sexual Preferences:
    • Explain that sexual preferences can vary widely among individuals, and people have different tastes and attractions.
    • Clarify that the preferences expressed within this community are consensual and shared willingly among all involved parties.
  3. Avoiding Judgments:
    • Encourage an open-minded approach by emphasizing that adult individuals should be free to explore their sexual preferences without judgment amongst themselves.
    • Remind them that criticizing others for their choices can contribute to a judgmental and exclusionary environment.
  4. Rejecting Stereotypes:
    • Address any stereotypes associated with nonmonogamy and interracial preferences by highlighting the diversity of individual experiences and motivations within the swinger and hotwifing communities.
  5. Creating an Inclusive Environment:
    • Encourage those in the swinger community to embrace diversity and create an inclusive environment where people feel respected regardless of their sexual preferences or skin color by not focusing so much on the differences, but instead on the similarities.
  6. Questioning Prejudices:
    • Prompt individuals to reflect on any biases or prejudices they may hold and consider whether their judgments are based on stereotypes or assumptions.
  7. Respecting Others’ Agency:
    • Emphasize the agency and autonomy of individuals in making choices that bring them pleasure, as long as they are consensual and respectful.

It’s important to approach these conversations with sensitivity and an openness to different perspectives. Encouraging an inclusive and non-judgmental atmosphere for all types within the swinger community can foster better understanding and respect for diverse preferences.

There you have it, and now my shirt pitch because that is what I do. Maybe you’ll be wearing this T-shirt next time you find yourself dealing with judgy swingers. I picked it for this topic (you can see the design well if you scroll back up) because it is a Stag and a Vixen with a bunch of upside-down pineapples. Basically, it was originally designed for Stags and Vixens who are also swingers. Turn it around and have it be Swingers that are also Stags and Vixens. Doesn’t matter which. I thought it fit this topic well because it shows how Stags and Vixens are a crossover group.

Vixen and Stag Swingers Upside down Pineapples T-shirt

You can Get this Vixen and Stag with Pineapples T-shirt HERE – Vixen and Stag with upsidedown pineapples by Vixen Games.
It is available as a small print classic hoodie as well. You can get that HERE – Vixen and Stag with upsidedown pineapples classic hoodie by Vixen Games.
Done with the shirt pitch. Those shirts are what this is all about though and we’d have no Vixen-Games.Com without them.
If this one isn’t your flavor go take a look at the rest.
Here is Where To Get Our Vixen Hotwife & Stag Shirts. Also is a ton of swinger lifestyle, general monogamish, some humor, lots of innuendos, and more for subject matter.